I save my job spam for you!

I’ve been saving up my job spam just for you guys!  Yay!  You’re welcome!

While plugging away at the worst time of year to be looking for a new position, I almost find it, um, <comforting? reliable? dependable?> to know that at any point in a day, I can look at my email account and find, um, <excellent? insane? scary?> job “offers” from scammers.  Yet weekly I see another news link detailing the financial loss-embarrassment-humiliation of honest job seekers who are desperate, and who unwittingly fall into the clutches of these fiends (yes, fiends – if this were 1810, they would be selling you snake oil from the back of a wagon, “for your health.”)

So without further ado – here are my top three job spam emails of the week! (ideas for researching at the end) – enjoy!

Such promise!

Hello,

After viewing your resume on <insert major job board here>, we have decided to contact you regarding an offer. We have an exciting opportunity with our company in your area with no need of relocation.

Requirements:

• Must have Microsoft Office Intermediate experience, checking emails 3 times/day
• US citizen or permanent residence/green card holder
• Experience: N/A
• Required Travel: NO
• Relocation: NO

Benefits:

• Attractive bonuses and commissions with each order
• No contact with our clients
• No Sales
• No Fees
• You can start tomorrow

Salary + Commissions:

• Compensation: $85,000 – $95,000 per year
• Employee Type: Full-Time/Part-Time Employee
• Fix salary after first month
• 401(k) plan

Hiring Department

Yes, that was all there was.  Imagine!  85-95K for checking email 3 times a day!  No experience necessary! No travel! No relo!  (No reply method, either – scam much, or just getting started in the industry?)

So sad, and so scam…

From Mr. Williams Nana,

Attention: Dear Friend

This message might meet you in utmost surprise. However, it’s just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction. I got your contact from internet search while I was searching for a foreign partner. I am Williams Nana. A banker by profession in Burkina-Faso, West Africa and currently holding the post of secretary to foreign remittance director in our bank. I need your urgent assistance in transferring the left over funds of ($7.6Million Dollars) belong to our late customer who died along with his entire family during the Iraq crisis on October 2006.

The deceased customer used his wife as the next of kin but unfortunately the wife died along side with him leaving nobody for the claim. According to our banking policy if the fund remains unclaimed for the period of 5years then the fund will be transfer into the reserve bank as unclaimed bill. I don’t want the fund to go into the bank treasury and as such, let’s claim the fund now. You can see the news on BBC and CNN regarding their death.

<Two legit links to major internet news sites here – I took them out for your convenience – what a creative bunch!>

Hence; I am inviting you for a business deal where this money can be shared between us in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you if you agree to handle this business with me. Further details of the transfer will be forwarded to you as soon as I receive your return mail immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Thanks & Best Regards,

Mr. Williams Nana

Dear Mr. Nana,

I honestly can’t print what I’m thinking right now.  Please go scam your neighbors in Burkina-Faso or something.  I’m trying to find a job, not an outlet for stupid.

No thanks and no regards…

…try, try again!

JOB OFFER

Our establishment is deslighted to propose you the position of Secret Shopper in Corporex LLC after finding on your autobiography at CareerBuilder online. Our personnel department did its best to examine your CV and remained to be pleased. We hope that your skills will be among our most valuable assets.

Necessary Criteria for being employed:

1. Age: older than 27
2. Internet access
3. 3-5 hours of free time every day for performing your professional assignments
4. Certificate of good conduct

Job Benefits:
As it goes, Secret Shopper is an superb way for employees to earn profit in the process of providing feedback, making comments, making of, commenting out to company. This is a real challenge for you to get to the top of the career rejoicing at things you like above all. For instance, one may enjoy meal in restaurant or purchase things in supermarkets reveling in life and helping company at the same time.

Remuneration:
Your every month earned income may come to $1,500-2,000.

Time Limitation of the Position:
On account of the great amount of applicants for this office, this job is time-bound. So, it is strongly recommended for you to provide us the necessary information about yourself ASAP.

To become the contributor of our establishment:

1. Please go to our site: Corporex LLC <unlinked for your personal safety>
2. Register yoursel
3. Download, read take a close look at thoroughly a agreement and sign it in a mandatory way.
4. Tell us the closest Walmart shop to you. Specify the exact address. Five shop are max. In Accepting this application, you confirm that your job will be on at-will basis and resign any complaints against Corporex LLC and its personnel.

About Corporex LLC:
Our corporation is engaged in collaboration with other corporations to perfect quality on an international scale by applying anonymous resources. We cooperate alongside with over 300 entities world-wide. Our main work includes marketing and cooperation with merchandising firms, private investigation companies, training organizations and other entities that are drawn in Mystery Consumerism services. Our member entities deal with their consumers in order to ascertain the process of improving level of attendance.

Regards Sincerely

Dear Regards Sincerely,

First, may I compliment you on your unique name?  Is your nickname Ree-Ree?  What was your mama thinking?

Now, on to the matter at hand… how many fake websites do you people have anyway?

Yours Truly (you can just call me YT)

PS – another question, please  Is your group also responsible for the $20K in free WalMart Gift Card Offers I’ve received so far this week?  Sheez, such generousity!  If you keep this up, in a month or so, I’ll own the entire chain!

Read, research, and beware

• Read the email. Look for words like “exciting,” “time-bound,” and if it sounds too good to be true, ref: what your mama told you.
  
• Copy keywords from the email.  Paste into Google Search.  Do the research for about 3 pages.  You’ll get the clue.
• If it sounds fishy, don’t click any links in the email.  You could possibly download something nasty, like phishing software, to your computer. Beware!

Seriously,